from peace to puppy

There's something about walking at night. It has this calming effect on my mind, yet I always feel inspired by my senses, rejuvenated and ready. Even with a puppy who spazzes about--darting back and forth from sidewalk to grass to mailbox, tripping me every few seconds. That peaceful, contemplative night still hovers about; it dares me to think deeper; to breathe deeper.
The smell of laundry overtakes most of our apartment complex. Not dirty laundry, or mildewed towels, but fresh, clean, soaked-in-detergent laundry. It is my favorite smell in the world (besides Matt) and can lighten my soul with one drag.


Tonight's goal was observation. I want to remember more, I need to notice. So tonight, I practiced.

I wish more people would leave their windows open...that would have made my discoveries a little more interesting. But today's world is private, and it isn't safe to let it be known that you have an 82" Flat screen. Neighbors aren't always nice.

In the neighborhood behind the complex, there's this giant crack in the road that goes from one side of the street to the other. Okay, it's really not that giant, but the ants probably refer to it as the Grand Canyon..or so I'd imagine.

Now for some reason Lily is obsessed with cracks (no dirty jokes, please). She likes to lick them (once again, refrain). Maybe it's because the cracks at the store are sometimes filled with bits of crushed dog food. Or maybe it's because she's a demon and knows that Laura and I forbid her from sticking her tongue anywhere but in her own food bowls. Either or, she decided this crack in the road was hers to conquer and I was just going to have to drag,push,and all but carry her away from it.

So I did.

And that's the last thing I really remember noticing, because every 5 seconds I'd have to yell, "Lily! DROP IT," as she went from rock to leaf to cigarette butt to stick to rock.


But hey, I got to practice my observation skills and am happy to report that she swallowed NOTHING.

Tantrums and Spectrums

I seem to go into these temperamental tantrum states where I want every thing in the world and nothing at all. Say the right words, but leave me alone. The great part is it gets me talking. I don't always tell you when I'm bothered, I don't always acknowledge that I'm hurt. But these temperamental tantrum states, they betray my secrets, and I can't quite play the together card.

You want to know what I think?
Tell me something.
It's the easiest thing in the world. As humans we are a spectrum of emotions. Every moment of every day triggers something. You got a ticket, you're annoyed. You saw the best commercial ever, and you're inspired. You got spit on by a two-year old. You're stressing over class because _______. You've been thinking about ______ lately.

Tell me something, anything at all.
It's the easiest thing in the world.


Or maybe you truly don't have anything to say. Maybe you really are always good, never stressing, wondering, annoyed, nervous, or curious. Maybe it's just me who's the spectrum.

Dear David,

I write to you because you can't write back. You won't advise me, comfort me, or sway me through your thoughts to be any different than I am. I write to you, because I need to write, and I can't write to the world, to my friends, to my family,or for myself. So here,now, I choose you.

There's all these changes happening. The funny thing is..most of these changes I've been meaning to facilitate (for months), and their happening on their own.

For instance, my soda habit(dependency)---gone. Not because I'm self-disciplined enough to quit buying Diet Dr.Pepper(a New Year's Goal,I'm pretty sure), but because I literally become nauseous after the first few sips.
Those 'huge' meals I would binge out on at the end of the day--are no more. Every couple of hours I snack on fruits or whole-grain-somethings or I become sick. So goodbye to forgetting meals and hello, healthy living. (Oh and thank you, Acid-Reflux)

I have two semesters left before I can hang an English degree (Journalism minor) on my wall. Actually I'm thinking I'll have it standing on top of my bookshelf..no more holes in the wall.

TWO MORE SEMESTERS and I haven't written a thing in months. Why? Couldn't tell you.
I have so much left to learn, so much I keep forgetting, and I cannot write; call it writer's block, cold feet, or what you may. But with this fall semester comes 3 hardcore writing classes..So write, I shall. And I'm starting with you.

Our Community Groups with Fellowship started (finally)! It's amazing to see the connections all of us have despite us being strangers. Like the leader, Brandon Edgerson, he shops in our store.Great guy. We're beginning lesson 2 and I already love them all.

See? So many changes and I initiated exactly none of them. Wish you were here to see the Fall.
Forgive me for choppy letter writing;it's the best I can do these days.

Love you always,
Manda