Grooves

Okay, I'm stuck. Again.

I'm not stuck in everything. My relationships are growing, intimately and in friendship. My schooling is going well (I write this now because after Friday's Philosophy exam it may change).My future and dreams are becoming clearer and more attainable. My health is improving (at least my exercise routines are being followed). And yet somehow, I'm staying still in the most important relationship of all.
It's days like this, that I need so badly to just turn everything off and lie in His presence. I just need to be His and for Him to be my only focus..Then maybe I can stop running in place and truly understand all that it means to be alive for Him.

~~~
Distractions of the Moment:

• On Saturday, Brett and I are going to Nashville to visit the grandparents and do all types of artsy Nashville things.
• Our house sold, so Laura and I will soon(less then 3 weeks soon) be moving into the Camden Grove apartments...This means a fresh easel for decorating..
  
• Which means, I really need(..want) to get a new bookcase (I'm wishing floor to ceiling) and add the following items to craigslist: Refrigerator, Washer & Dryer, Treadmill,and probably more. Anybody interested?
  
• Phil. Exam on Friday that requires two essay questions answered from John Mills/Kants point of view.
  
• Somehow get Kim Iverson to accept an interview..
• Bills.Bills.Christmas Presents.Savings.
  

12.21.12.21

I can't study. Can't do it.
Multiple choice tests slaughter any index-card-serious-study capability I could possibly possess.

So I've decided to be twelve again. And what do twelve-year-olds do on rainy Sundays? They play Nintendo, eat junk food, call their crushes, take cheesy-posed pictures, and generally participate in unproductive-procrastination type activities. So here's to a pointless post and an admission: Because I have in fact, done all of those things.Wishing you love & pizza rolls,
Mandy

Fridays of Charm

Let me just say that I should not be here. There's a pancake sausage 'corndog' in my hand, my attention is being split between the news (which just showed Obama, the First Lady, and Oprah across a split screen...scary) and updating my insanely popular blog for the people... Egotistical? Me?

Where I should be is in class. At this exact hour and minute, I should be sitting third seat from the front, directly up against the wall, struggling against space for a place to set my book, workbook, and notebook. And I should feel slightly more guilty..After all, it was last semester that I learned the difference between an A and a B is absences and being there(both physically and mentally).

I am suddenly regretting giving my mother the link to my blog...Expecting a call about skipping school later..

"Why don't you feel guilty," you ask in an attempt to take me back to subject.

Because it is gorgeous outside, which means it is my house lit up with sunlight instead of artificial light (another weird quirk about me--you will find me sitting in the dark more often then sitting with a lamp on), because my house is an absolute mess and yes, I actually am looking forward to cleaning it. I'm also looking forward to leaving the house composed, rather then throwing on an AAP shirt and dashing out the door, hair frizzed and half straightened trailing behind me.

And because lists is what I do when I'm on the verge of being overwhelmed, here goes mine.

To Do:

Finish Laundry, Fold and Put Away
Dishes
Clean Litter Box
Counters
Vacuum Room, Entry Way, and Living Room
Email Span. Prof, Do assignments
Advertising, Finish Outlining
Look for Victor's and the rest of Marla's B-day Gift
Pack up Computer for Work
Dad's B-day Present
Yoga
Mow the backyard, aka The Jungle




Grocery List

Diet Cokes
Waters
Milk
Cereal
Lean Pockets
Orange Juice
Toilet Paper
Toothpaste
Mascara
Deodorant
Dr.Pepper/Mountain Dew-Brett

Laura Projects and Dismayed Roommates

The following is the result of an off-from-work Laura...Our house ladies and gentlemen:

Hand painted by: Laura;Model:Madie

Go ahead, ask how many pumpkins she bought...

Tweaking

For some reason, Madie has decided to morph into spastic-demon-kitty around 5:30am this past week. This means I don't awake to what I now consider my peaceful alarm clock, but to Starbucks mugs being pushed off my nightstand and books plummeting to floor; Books that were precariously and painstakingly set up like dominoes... I awake to paws strumming my cheap, plastic blinds( a very loud noise for so early in the morning) and to toy (but eerily, real-looking) mice surrounding my pillow.

But, this morning I also woke up cold with my room bathed in strips of sunlight that trickled through the blinds.

And somehow my badly beginning morning was stripped away and it's quite possible that LaurieMac wasn't the only one showing off her dance moves.;)
Let us all just pay tribute to Autumn....Okay, check. Moving on.

...When she was tiny and cute. And less destructive (or so it seems).

Things I Do on a Regular Basis

1) Over-use commas.
2)Worry that something, whether it's a wreck or a flat tire, will cause me to not make it to work or class.
3)Ask, "Really?"
4)Put in Gilmore Girls just so something is going on in the background.
5)Make to-do lists, pointless lists, grocery lists, and even lists of lists I still plan on making..
6)Press the snooze button.
7)Plan to press the snooze button.
8)Eat dessert in the middle of dinner.
9)Preach to people about the importance of a healthy dog food (and cat) while simultaneously bashing Science Diet, Iambs, Purina, and Eukanuba.
10) Procrastinate.
11)Ask Brett to "tell me something."
12)Stop by Sonic for nothing but a water (with that wonderful ice)
13)Accidentally combine words when speaking/pronounce them as if they were Spanish/Mispronounce them entirely all together. Example of one being 'beveragements' per beverage and refreshments.
14)Wish I was five pounds lighter and invincible.
15)Paint my nails and toenails.
16)Consider dumping out my entire underwear drawer and buying $200 worth of new everythings.
17)Crave chocolate and sweet tea.
18)Seriously contemplate not turning off the interstate when going anywhere. What would happen if I just kept going?
19)Miss my mommy.
20)Get sick/allergic/develop something rare that completely turns my routines upside down.

Aches, Thoughts, and Updates

I started running again...Not the responsibly-paced jog, truly running...It isn't sprinting either, for I run with zero consideration of my time or form, I simply flee.

In an attempt to not maul anyone over, I generally do this in the trails... at night. And the best part is--I always get scared. I run for my life..I run as if someone is chasing me. I guess I'm a bit of an adrenalin-rush addict..But better this then hitch-hiking, right? ;)



Did you know I care what people think? I shrug it off mostly, I fake a grin and a confident smirk, but it's there--that crushed spirit of a girl who cares.

Insights into the Average Girl

I want to say it all..

Do you know how hard it is to write honestly when the person you're dating reads your journal? It's an interesting conquest. Every word in the sentence is a piece of you and every piece of you is a potential part he could reject. And rejection scares the hell out of me.

It's part of the reason, I am so...me. Mysterious is how Garth(an old one-fail date) put it, but I call it guarded. I think I've accomplished a lot though for 2 months, I think we're on the right path.

Paths, by the way, also scare me..(Let me just devote this entire entry to my list of fears..)
Want to know the path I want (not necessarily on)?..Well, I'll share my dream path-- if all I'm considering is me, because to put down a path that includes someone else, I may freak a few people out, because after all, it has only been two months. RambleRambleRambleAnyways.

I want to work for a publishing company. Random House for instance. I want to edit and play with words. I want to discover beautiful stories and share them with the world. I want a family of people who love books and who love each other. I want to live in Connecticut. Or Maryland. Or Massachusetts. Or Virgina, or even North Carolina. And I want to write a book. I have my snippets picked out...or handed to me really..I'm just missing the plot..heh.
Know what my major is? I bet you don't, because my Facebook lies. English:Creative Writing. Minor:Journalism-Public Relations

Want to know when I graduate: There's no telling. Not on time, that's for sure...But I'm content with this. I have other tasks to attend to.

Like learning how to love someone more then myself.
Like saving for an internship that's going to take me into the business bustle of New York for ten weeks.
Like learning how to sew, so I can finally stop searching stores for the designs in my head.
Like singing & playing one song in front of a crowd, just to prove I can.
Like getting to know my Savior, my Father, and my only hope in making it anywhere at all.

I wanted to tell it all, but I'm not so sure I'm ready for the world to see my downfall.

Scratched Out & Painted White

I am blank...Or rather, I am crumpled at the bottom of your book bag, covered in scribbles and doodles and scratch-out marks. Yep, that is me, the worthless girl.

It's funny, I never thought I'd be here. Or anywhere near here. I was this shy, reserved, avoid-all-human-interaction girl. I was that girl who cried if the teacher picked on her, who dreaded recess, and lunch hour...

Nonetheless, here I am, pursuing a career in journalism and crossing my fingers that I can become fearless in a matter of months..
Perhaps I should just retreat back to my book haven. I can become a frizzy-haired, cat-owning recluse who stays within the walls of her familiar sanctuary writing pages upon pages of life through characters. There's no failure in that.

These fears and doubts are off topic however, and so I am back to my principal statement: I am blank.

I am blank in a way that I can't describe...Possibly because my words are being swallowed by blankness and taking my thoughts right along with them.

Oh, what's that Professor, you want an opinion...?

____________________________________________________.




Crap.

Sick, Gross, & Ugly

If I had to pick a time from my entire existence where I shouldn't be dating someone, this would be it.
I am bruising at the slightest touch, breaking out consistently, turning an ugly shade of yellow, dizzy with too many movements, painstakingly exhausted, and loathing myself for every moment of it. My self-esteem level is somewhere in the negatives and I can't remember the last time I actually felt pretty, let alone healthy.
Not a good time for someone to get to know me. But I can't decide if that's because I'm not myself or because I'm myself at my worst.?

I need everything to just stop and time to recoup. I need my bed.