Somewhere in between Habakkuk and the child I am.

It seems growth for me was halted a long time ago. Countless devotional books, prayers, and several churches later--I am still in the same place.
A friend recently recommended that I read through Romans-- no devotions, no commentary, only the Bible.

I began today. What's amazing to me is the fact that so many of us Christians only focus on the main point. The summary, the ultimate lesson, the Biblical cliff notes..and we completely miss all the lessons in between. During my reading time today, I went over every word, every sentence structure and word placement. I paused on specific words and asked why Paul chose that one. I actually payed attention to references from the old testament and took the time to flip backwards and read the entire verse in context.

And I have never felt so entirely foolish. Duh--the Bible is HIS word, the power of God and I have simply been speeding through it, desperately searching for the answers. To finish out the FOOL scribbled across my forehead, every hero I've ever had- have had extensive faith and knowledge of the Bible--not just the concepts, but all the verses and wisdom in between..You'd think I'd note that similarity and the light would have flicked on sometime near frozen frustration. But while my cheeks turn red, my heart smiles--for I am moving forward. I pray now for the ability to see...and to ask the hard questions.

Love in Christ.

Isn't it funny how our eyes open only after a particular event occurs? Until her death or that job, we were somehow different, less evolved, just coasting through life..simply to keep from being bored.

Verge of Drowning

So I've began an interesting habit of gaining and losing perspective on life. One minute I'm in complete control- I understand that I can't see through God's eyes. I understand that this pain is not being caused for His pleasure and I understand that better times are right around the corner--And then I crash, and all that I thought I understood fades into the tide I'm dog-paddling through to get to...No where.I am alone. And I am drenched in pain and drained from fighting these waves of doubt.