Verge of Drowning

So I've began an interesting habit of gaining and losing perspective on life. One minute I'm in complete control- I understand that I can't see through God's eyes. I understand that this pain is not being caused for His pleasure and I understand that better times are right around the corner--And then I crash, and all that I thought I understood fades into the tide I'm dog-paddling through to get to...No where.I am alone. And I am drenched in pain and drained from fighting these waves of doubt.