Tuesday, October 26, 2010

it's all in the footwear

I woke up late today. I needed to be up earlier than normal; early enough to read the newspaper (because the journalism department likes to do pop quizzes on current events). I wanted to fix my chipped, snagging-on-everything nails. I wanted to eat breakfast and feel somewhat organized.

I managed to do all of this with the exception of one tiny organizational issue---myself.
I left the house in a pair of too-short yoga pants, a grungy looking Boston shirt, flip-flops and an afro.

The pajama look I can deal with. It's comfy and I deserve to be a bum at least once a week. The afro, well that couldn't be fixed. Rainy days equal frizzy curls no matter how much time I spend on my hair in the morning. And it was storming.
But the flip flops induced one of those hell days. You know those days when you're running late and a guy on a skateboard just passed the train you're waiting on? Or the weather channel says it's going to be in the 70s, but really it stays in the 50s and you're stuck with wet, freezing feet?Or you have to drop off Lily(the devil puppy) at a friends house, but she refuses to move out of the drivers seat? For THAT day, I blame the flip flops. (my logic is sound, don't argue)


I'm sleeping till noon tomorrow.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

A Beer and a Bath

Laura just disappeared,beer in hand,to her tub. And I have never been so jealous.
We have to move.
Sitting in the shower does not make it a bath...not even with a few lit candles.

Back in the house, I would take baths for everything. If I was cold, if I was cramping, if I had a headache, if I was too lazy to stand in the shower.

But really, I miss the stillness of it. I can't lay in bed and relax. I have to read, which means I should be reading media law or something British. I have to turn on the TV, but only to keep flipping the channels in case something better comes on.
But with a bath...I am still. I listen as the water tumbles and swirls around me. I am warmed and my brain is sidetracked by the thundering drops; what headache? what cramps?
I am off the hook for not being productive--because I am. I'm soaking my skin in bubbly, almond goodness. I'm allowed to be still, and productively unproductive until I am over-heated and wrinkled.

I need a tub.
But all I have is a beer.

Friday, October 15, 2010


I have this trouble with staying on task. I get so easily side-tracked by day-to-day being. Trivial things like feature stories and dishes take over my mind. There's no room for anything else.
But than important things, like Matt, take over. Dishes and stories are pushed out to make room for dates and love and looking pretty. And still...there's no room for anything.

I have known what needed to be done. I have known how much easier it is to stay in tune with God simply by staying in His word..And still, I never made room.

I'm not stupid. I know this isn't Christian living, I know that the door to Heaven is narrow. I know I put school and Matt before God.
I know I've stayed quiet or stopped writing, because anytime I talked about my relationship with Jesus, it sounded so incredibly cheesy. And as a creative, English girl...I have this need to stay away from cheese and clich├ęs. I know all this.

And it's taken a community group ,that has become my family in every way, to finally put me back on task.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Stand Still

I hold back, I do. And not in the areas I should be holding back in, like my mouth and the too honest things that sometimes(a lot) come out of it or from eating a butt-load of chocolate; for these things I'm all in.

Rather, I hold back from prayer and studying God's word. Because it's these things that have the power to change me.

I'm not against change. I like to try new things, I want to be a better person. I have a complete picture(and list) of the girl I want to be---to change into.
Just not yet.
Because changing now, means not being this girl, with these desires. It means leaving people in a different chapter...too far from me.
I hold back.